Week Thirty-Six
might f around and elevate my expectations
IN:
pistachios
The Beach Boys (transport me to a warmer climate)
getting crafty (i.e., learning to crochet, or knit, or sew) (recession indicator)
The New Yorker desk diary/planner
long fur coats
OUT:
large trucks driving around NYC
it not going above 32 degrees in NYC for the last week+
deciding whether or not to grow your bob out or cut it again
that dumb loser groundhog from PA
BFFR:
Alright, this one is long overdue, and there’s much to be said and to be added here. Before getting into it, as a strong member of the feminist community, I must disclaim that I believe you can hold all of these truths in your head at the same time. This BFFR is simple: there are some things that I really never ever want to have to do ever for the rest of my life, but for some reason I still have to do them all the time.
It’s a miserable experience.
As I note above in my OUT the list above is non-exhaustive but here are some examples of tasks that only men should have to do to really get you into my headspace here…
taking out the trash/recycling and if you’re at a home with a driveway then having to bring the bins back up the driveway
breaking down/flattening boxes
turning on and off the house alarm
locking the doors
driving (when I don’t want to, but sometimes I might want to, but most of the time you should drive because I’m tired)
burying/taking care of a deceased animal in your yard or vicinity
cooking (breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc etc)
cleaning (after themselves and you and the dishes and the whole house)
carrying heavy things
switching out your summer clothes/winter clothes boxes especially if they’re stored in high up places
shoveling snow (though I will admit this was fun to do with my dad growing up)
Ok the list could go on and on. Let’s look at a real life example shall we? Recently, it was one of my closest friend’s birthday’s. Someone that I would like to think I would do anything for. But it was also -5 degrees out (I am not being dramatic, it was one of those extremely cold days that we’ve had in the last two weeks) so that changes things. I live an approx 9 min walk to this friend’s apartment and I obviously knew pretty quickly into being invited to her birthday and looking at the weather that I would have to take a car. There was no other way. But, I get a text, “Can you pick up a bag of ice on your way?”
Listers, say it with me, BFFR. There are about three huge problems with that request. Again, love this friend to death would move heaven and earth for her. But 1) it is -5 degrees out and and you’re asking me to get ICE????? Do you want me to literally die???? 2) have you ever carried a bag of ice?? it’s HEAVY and that is reserved as (please see item number 9 on list above) a man’s job and last but very much not least 3) we have so many capable, strong, immune to the cold male friends that are capable of taking one for the team and going to get that ice. It’s their time to shine!!! Text one of those bad boys and get them right on it. Make them feel useful and needed!! (Listers: a man did not get ice, a woman (who is obv capable herself and strong etc etc) (who has a husband that should have JUMPED at the opportunity to provide this service) ended up getting the ice. An absolute travesty.
Because really, let’s think about it, men beg to be the sole exclusive leaders of our society, and be in charge of shit, and make everything a patriarchy (read: bad). OK THEN IF YOU WANT THAT SO BAD YOU BETTER DO IT ALL BABY. Do everything on my list above AND more. I shouldn’t have to lift a single finger. I shouldn’t have to spend a single dollar (unless it’s yours). If you think that you’re soooooooo much more superior than women, then ok babes let’s see it!!! Change the diapers, feed the children, go to a full day of work to provide for everyone (which work never stops if you really love your career duh) and DO. IT. ALL. This entire BFFR is my platform to make men the ones who have to hear “you can have it all if you really want it!!” And also my platform to make sure I don’t have to do gross things or things that require significant exertion that I don’t want to do anymore (win win).
And I know I know, I’m being dramatic #NotAllMen for the above statement. Love men, they’re so cute and nice to look at (when they’re not pissing you off). But I had to show you all that my dreams here are not rooted in women-self-hate and/or thinking women are not capable of these “tasks for men” — we just simply shouldn’t have to do anything! Ever! Every task can be a man’s task if you’re lazy enough and really put your heart and soul into thinking that it could be.
A caveat I will allow room for, I am technically considered the “son” of my family. My older sister somehow got out of ever having to help my dad with anything. I was/am always the one who has to be there holding the flashlight, or the shovel, or the wheelbarrow while he cleans up the trees in the backyard (or whatever other idea has popped into his head that must happen today). And I actually really enjoy that role, the sous-helper, second in command, holder of hammer and screwdriver. It has left me with such fond memories and bonding moments with my dad and it continues into my later years — it has almost gotten worse as I’ve gotten older because the cat’s out of the bag, I am able to do more than I was at 7. That’s the only snag with having this role growing up is that I am obviously capable of things I don’t want to have to do (probably more capable than half the men out there that would order a Task Rabbit at the first opportunity (ick!!)) — because say it with me again, louder for those in the back, MEN SHOULD BE DOING THESE THINGS (and then maybe forcing their daughters to help them) because you know what it actually is? Men are ANNOYING so they should be forced to do annoying tasks (and I am famously lazy when it comes to annoying tasks unless my dad has asked me for help).
So, the TLDR, I never want to have to lift a finger ever again, I am clearly a joy to be around, and if a man tells you that he “doesn’t want to” do something for you or “can hire someone else to do x thing for you” you should take a long hard look at that man and reconsider your options. That is no place for a woman in 2026. Your place is on the couch watching Bravo or HBO while he vacuums the house and makes you dinner <3
Love you all (men included), but manifesting this glorious stress free, task free, future for all women around the world.
Xx,
B
"driving (when I don’t want to, but sometimes I might want to, but most of the time you should drive because I’m tired)" is so real.