Week Forty-Three
happy birthday!!! (to me)
**so sorry for the few-hour delay this morning, sooooo sorry I was out at my third birthday celebration and then stayed out late having fun with my friends!! but here you go!! enjoy!!**
IN:
The New York Yankees
birthdays
baseball szn being back, which means we can go to baseball games and get hot dogs and chicken fingers and fries in a bucket and ice cream in a mini baseball hat !!
the JW Anderson x Uniqlo collab that just keeps expanding
walking home (aka to USQ for the L, I’m not as crazy as Harry Styles walking across the Wburg bridge every day) from work (aka midtown) when it’s over 60 degrees out
Hannah Montana and the 20th anniversary (I’m old) special
OUT:
“balance”
allergies
wearing a big puffer coat (manifesting)
how strongly lilies smell and overpower a bouquet of flowers/a room
Netflix showing live sports (their coverage of the Yankees game was horrendous)
BFFR:
IN: birthdays
Please consider this the formal case for being pro-birthday and celebrating all birthdays loudly at any and every age. Honoring them, enjoying them, loving them, and leaning into all things birthday.
If those first two sentences didn’t give it away, it’s Aries season, and (again, as a surprise to no one) it was just recently my birthday, so I am an Aries birthday-lover through and through. A fiery fire sign, with many strong opinions (duh) and a determination to get through to anyone — this is my plea to get through to all of you out there who don’t like your birthdays or worse…dread it.
Listen, I get it, I like to pretend like I am one of you birthday-haters sulking around and avoiding the attention a birthday brings, but in reality, I am sadly squarely just not that person.
I also get that it is borderline “cool” to be depressed on your birthday and moody and sensitive and reflective. People almost expect that reaction from others, and to be fair, I just let everyone think that I am also one of those people, because it’s more socially acceptable. Because the alternative (and my actual truth) would lead people to view me as a self-absorbed weirdo freak who loves the attention too much. And we can’t have that!!! But actually, we can, and this is me finally stepping into my truth.
I love my birthday, and I love other people’s birthdays. I love an excuse to see everyone in my life that I love all in one place and forcing them to hang out and talk with their one connection to each other being me (and I love to be showered with the attention and the love that they willingly want to give me on this one day a year…or one week a year…). And yes, as you get older does it get more “embarrassing” to be a birthday person? Throwing birthday parties? Yes, sure of course, but that’s only because society is telling us to be embarrassed! Re-frame it! Make the experience positive! While I don’t believe in living a selfish, self-absorbed life every single day, I do believe in living it for that one glorious day. It’s like one day of fame/celebrity, queen for a day type shit. And if you’re still sitting there reading this pretending not to like that, then I don’t know how to save you! It’s ok to want to feel loved and special, let it happen!
Am I thrilled about the aging part? Nope. Can’t say I am! Can say I’m actually genuinely not thrilled about that. Buuuuut, in a day and age where everyone looks frozen at 35 (even if they’re 25 or 45) I am trying to re-frame that fear too! “Aging is a blessing,” or whatever all the woo-woo girlies say. Society freaks us out that with every birthday, we get closer to losing our value, our societal capital (maybe this is really just specific for women), but WHY! We are just getting smarter, prettier, and funnier! With every candle you add to your cake, there are simply more wishes to make and manifest — more dreams to come true!
So yeah, the aging part is a little scary, and the existentialism can be a little high on your birthday, but stop focusing on the negatives! Did I think I would be writing a bi-weekly Substack at 32, NO! But who cares! Here I am doing it anyway!
I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I will say I do often worry about how others perceive me, if they’ll show up for me, or if I’ll have to beg them to want to stay (all things to continue to unpack in therapy), and that can be tough around a birthday. That part I understand from the birthday haters. The “what ifs” when you’re planning a party or a dinner or an outing — will they show up for me? But if you’re living your life “the right way” (aka also celebrating your loved ones daily and their birthdays loudly and proudly) you should have nothing to worry about. (This is where the “don’t be selfish every single day” comes back into play. And hey, if people let you down, on this ONE day to celebrate you, then cut those people off and find new friends!
Wow, wait, maybe I love birthdays because I love my family and friends so much that they make me love the day even more. Now that I am writing this, I am realizing that it’s likely that. It’s likely less to do with the day itself and more to do with the people I am spending that day with. And wow, ok, I guess I am extremely lucky to have so many people in my life that make me feel so loved and cared for every year that the idea of celebrating my birthday brings me immense joy.
OK FLEXXXXX!!! OK POPULARRRR!!
Well, let me know if you need a friend to celebrate you loudly so that you then learn to love your birthday as much as I do. I’m willing to lend my services to the community.
Xx,
B
Here are a few more of my various cakes from the week!
You better have lifted your Yankee game curse or it’s gona be a long fuckin year for me.
direct shot at my bouquet that had lilies in it, thanks so much