Week Fifty-One
summer friday's!!!
IN:
helping your friends with meaningful tasks (me helping Hannah, Omar helping me, the cycle continues)
spironolactone (for making me feel more snatched and clearing up my skin in wondrous ways)
MDW and Jersey Shore officially being open (start of summer!!)
watching the Summer House reunion trailer over and over to rage bait yourself into being ready to watch Part 1 next Tuesday
OUT:
90-degree days in NYC
having a lack of curiosity
not having AC in your living room when it’s 90 degrees in NYC (this is in the process of being corrected)
the ice machine not working at work when it’s 90 degrees in NYC (are you sensing the themes here?)
spironolactone (for lowering my already low BP and making me feel horrible and faint, especially in 90-degree weather)
BFFR:
OUT: having a lack of curiosity
This one is simple, kind of goes without saying — tbh I think I could just leave this whole BFFR blank, and you’d all be able to fill it in, but that’s not how this works!!
There seems to be a new epidemic: A lack of curiosity, a lack of “I want to try to figure this out,” a lack of asking questions just to learn more about something without there being a means to an end.
There’s a part of me that thinks I already wrote this BFFR, but it’s been 51 weeks now, and I honestly can’t remember, or maybe it’s just such a pervasive thought of mine that I think I’m repeating myself, but let’s bring back asking thoughtful questions just because!
I know some people think this is a generational divide, and that the younger generation is extremely guilty of not being able to (or not wanting to) “figure it out” or “be curious,” but I also think it’s plaguing our oldest generations as well (aka only millennials marked safe). Almost everyone has become so siloed in their own ways of thinking and operating that there’s no room for growth or change, or curiosity to see how or why something may be happening or someone might feel a certain way.
I don’t think it’s that hard for all of you reading this to think up a time where you have recently been faced with someone who says “no” before taking the time to process and think about a question or issue, or who automatically shuts down if a conversation drifts away from being about them or their needs.
But that’s the beauty of life! We’re all so different. We’re all made up of so many quirky, weird, different things! We should be captivated by what other people say about themselves and their lives and their interests and ask them more about it! And then, woah, weird, they should then turn around and do the same back to you! And not in an odd robotic checking the box kind of way, but in a natural conversation flowing kind of way. I really just think people don’t care anymore. They don’t care to learn more about people and are so focused on what’s the next thing for me that the beauty of going slow and being curious is immediately shelved/forgotten. (Gen-Z probably thinking I’m not paid enough to care (they’re right, but spoiler alert, Millennials are also underpaid) and Gen-X/Boomers unfortunately, finding themselves further and further out of touch the older they get and the higher their tax bracket).
In a workplace context, for example, if someone asks you to do something for them (whether it be a menial task from a manager, or an employee asking for a promotion) you should stop and question why, why is this person asking me to do this thing, and what more do I need to know to get the best outcome for both them (and me)? And how can you find a way to figure it out before having to ask that question? Not saying that you shouldn’t ask questions, of course you should, that’s part of being curious! But the questions shouldn’t be leading in a way where it shows you gave no interest in the underlying issue. And at this point, you should have been listening and learning from them enough to be able to answer these questions on your own. (Disclaimer: this applies in all workplaces all over the place, not just mine, so don’t read into this too much, please thank you.)
I am also convinced this is why so many people complain that their personal relationships don’t feel “authentic” anymore or that it’s “hard to meet someone” nowadays — we’re going into it all wrong. It should be a fact-finding mission (for the rest of your life). Whether you’re being assigned a new project at work, or meeting someone on a first date: get excited that you’re about to be given the opportunity to absorb a whole lot of new information about a topic, person, place, thing, and might fall into a great conversation from it that some day may come up again in a totally different context and you’ll be better for knowing more about it!
If I learned anything from my parents growing up, being curious and asking why is definitely top of the list. Not in an anti-establishment/anti-authority kind of way (but actually, yeah, kind of in that way now that I think about it) but more in a don’t be a sheep who blindly lets other people take the lead kind of way (which is saying anti-establishment, lol). So, if you want the selfish take on why you should be more curious and learn to figure it out: The more you can learn about different things on your own while also learning the ways that people’s brains operate from their own backgrounds, thoughts, and ideas, the more you can then expand your own knowledge and experiences to make yourself better.
And not to be all of your Eastern European parents right now, but saying “I don’t know” is also just kind of lame. And you’re better than that.
Stay curious, stay learning, stay evolving. And just take a second to figure it out and think about it before giving up, oh my god!!!!
Xx,
B