Week Fifty

as we go on, we remember

IN:

• the entire Dior 2027 Cruise Collection

• using the cartwheel emoji when being petty 🤸🏽🤸🏽🤸🏽 (shout out Ciara)

• being a brat

• leaving early (take this however you want)

• dense salads

A piece from the collection. Like??? So chic, I would wear this to the office or as a uniform every single day!!

OUT:

• men who cut in front of you to get onto the subway car (and then try to grab a seat as fast as possible — ew who are you???)

• using the word “propulsive” (please stop!! you sound elitist and annoying!!)

• the low hum sound of a mini fridge

• the realization that you graduated from college 10 years ago

• leftover fish (vommmmm)

I mean not to rub it in, but to get to say you graduated at Yankee Stadium and trade your cap for a baseball hat…pretty fning cool.

BFFR:

OUT: the realization that you graduated from college 10 years ago

I would have thought this week was any other week if it weren’t for the swarms of purple gowns flooding the NYC subway stations. But nope, couldn’t miss it if I tried — even the Empire State Building lit up all in purple last night, so chic. It’s NYU graduation season, baby!!

It then only took me a few minutes to realize that it’s been ten years since I graduated — the Class of 2016, wow, before the world lost its mind.

WAIT, TEN YEARS??? WHAT??

So then, naturally, I got to thinking, what have I accomplished in the last ten years? Would 2016 B be proud of where I’m at right now? (tbh, I still think it’s 2016 half the time and that I’m still 22 — living in NYC will do that to you, stunt your growth). But, if we look at the full picture, I’m actually not sure how she would feel, because I’m not even sure how I currently feel about any of it! Follow me on this journey as I hopefully figure it out by the end.

I know I’ve mentioned the fig tree analogy from The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath many times on this substack, and, to be clear, 2016 B was very concerned re all the figs. So, what if she were to look at me now and think I picked some of the wrong ones over the last ten years? And that I’ve let some really good figs fall off the tree? Paths I should’ve taken or tried harder to go down instead? Scary thoughts to stop on for too long.

So instead I first choose not to look at it as a whole, and take each fig for what it is, and be proud of the achievement that came with each fig.

I went to law school during these ten years, that’s three out of the ten years that I took to hone in on a craft that I was (am) passionate about and an area where I knew I could constructively use my skills. Now, do I sometimes wish I knew that other types of jobs existed out there, and that I didn’t have to be only a doctor or a lawyer? Yes, of course. But we appreciate the law school fig for what it’s brought us.

And I passed the NY bar exam. Aside from graduating from college with honors, I would say passing the bar is my highest and greatest achievement. I worked harder for that, sacrificed so much (an entire summer of seeing no friends and having no fun other than watching every single Marvel movie), so that I could focus and take this exam seriously. I was scared out of my mind, too. Three years of hard work spread across two days, 8 hours each day, for an exam that included approximately 2% of what we learned over those three years, yet would inevitably define whether or not I was accepted into the profession. So yeah, big achievement to get that one done and dusted! A fig I am certainly proud of.

After that, the achievements feel smaller and more subjective. But also the value system and perspective of what’s really important had to change. The pandemic changed everything. I was sworn into the NY Bar two months before everything shut down. Looking back on that period of life as a 25/newly 26-year-old, ready to finally be free of the shackles of all types of school and really experience Real Adult Life, but being stuck away from all things community and connection, it was an unfortunate setback for sure. And the recovery from that year also took a while; it wasn’t until three years later that things were more “normal.” The pandemic took my fig tree, and it shook it like a heavy storm. Figs falling all over the damn place.

And by then, we were already 6 years out from graduating college. Not to be like every other think piece written in 2022, but the pandemic did steal some golden years from people of my generation. I understand some of you didn’t get a college graduation ceremony, but I didn’t get to fully experience the breadth of my 20s, living free and running wild through NYC. We graduated from college, went to grad school, experienced a blip (told you I watched all the Marvel movies), and woke up to turning 30. It was decidely unfair.

So yes, my perspective and value markers of what constitutes an “achievement” have shifted. From large goals to more meaningful connections, with smaller wins along the way. Maybe it was the pandemic, or maybe it’s just a sign of getting older. But I’m more open to the idea that change is inevitable and wonderful, and the universe also has a say in your life plan. Like finally willing my way into the career I always dreamed about (sigh) and then realizing that the dream can change (or must change) for progress to continue (sometimes because of things out of your control). And maybe a career isn’t a fig that you pick off the tree and hold onto forever anymore, maybe it’s something that should grow and take new shape to give you and your strengths room to turn into something even better.

And to be honest, I think 2016 B would be equally as excited to hear that I saw Taylor Swift on the Eras Tour three times, including once in Amsterdam, as she would be about my current career trajectory. Actually, she’d probably be waaaayyy more excited about that than the career thing. Counting that as an achievement for myself.

And the Eras tour (and pandemic) reminded me to focus on community again. In these past ten years, I have grown my friendships to new heights. It is the thing I am most proud of out of every achievement listed here. We continue to form even deeper bonds. People who have now known me for 14 years, others reaching 20+, are at the center of what matters most to me. To have friends who know you, and see you, and want to help you whenever and however possible (and vice versa) is the biggest achievement yet. Sorry, bar exam!! But this one is so special to me. Ten years out from graduation, and we’re still having weekly dinners and trips around the world. I don’t take how lucky we are to have that for granted.

So, for the next ten years, I’m going to try to put the thought of the figs away and focus on those intangibles instead. Not the various lives I could be living or should be living, but my relationships and how my actions impact those around me. Making those impacts as positive and joyful as possible will lead me to a path (read: life) that is fully enjoyable regardless of which road I take. And as some of you may know, my favorite thing to remind myself is that no choice is final. You just need to make a choice, really commit to it, and then hey, guess what, change your mind and make a different choice tomorrow if you hated the first one! Who cares! That’s life, have fun with it! Fuck the figs!!!

And to leave you with something meaningful that relates to this, that Taylor Swift once said via Hannah Montana:

You can change your hair, and you can change your clothes
You can change your mind, that’s just the way it goes
You can say “goodbye, “ and you can say “hello”
But you’ll always find your way back home

You can change your style, you can change your jeans
You can learn to fly, and you can chase your dreams
You can laugh and cry, but everybody knows
You’ll always find your way back home

Thank you, NYU graduation and 10-year reunion post, for reminding me to take a pause and reflect on all I’ve been through and have managed to do in this time since, and that no choice or path is the wrong one.

YOU’LL ALWAYS FIND YOUR WAY BACK HOME!!

Xx,

B

Nostalgia core incoming, aka more photos from graduation 10 years ago: