Week Eleven
the life of a substack girl
IN:
calling a Diet Coke a fridge cigarette
short hair / bobs / having bob blindness (shout out to Vennela, would be lost without her giving me the greatest haircuts of my life — go see her, you won’t regret it!!)
bonfires in the summer (extra points if it’s a wood bonfire and your hair and clothes smell smoky for the rest of your life)
taking a nap in the sun on a sailboat (very specific, but if you can make it work, I highly recommend)
Juliet wine the chicest (tastiest) boxed wine
Left on Friday bathing suits
OUT:
opening bananas the wrong way
standing on the left side of the escalator instead of walking up (stand on the right, walk up the left, people!)
Biologique Recherche discontinuing their P50 1970 (RIP to my skin when the three bottles I stocked up on run out)
using a task rabbit (mainly applies to men; you should be handy; figure it out!)
thinking Hudson Square is a real neighborhood in NYC
Taylor Swift being unable to choose a cute album cover
BFFR:
Out: Taylor Swift being unable to choose a cute album cover
Let’s make one thing clear — everything that I am about to say here I am allowed to say because Taylor Swift and I are friends, practically family (in my head). I’ll get more into all of that during Week Thirteen (duh), but this week I am going to treat Taylor the way I treat the rest of my friends and family — with brutal honesty.
Side note: If I hear any of you Taylor Swift haters chiming in and cheering and clapping over what I have to say here I will fight you and make you wish you never even had the thought to speak up. Just ask my friend Omar about how I reacted on our drive back home from Montauk when we only had the Midnights and Fearless (Taylor’s Version) CDs to play in the car…he had the audacity to say “oh great, my ears are bleeding” and boy did (does) he regret saying that. Don’t try me. I am allowed to say what I am about to say because Taylor is family, I care for her deeply (like how I can talk shit about my sister, but if you talk shit about her, I’ll end you). If you also care for Taylor, then I am thrilled to hear what you have to say. If you do not care for her, I need you to BFFR and STFU.
Ok, now to this week’s BFFR.
Taylor Alison Swift. Why are you simply never capable of picking a good photo for your album cover? Are you punking us 24/7 to see how far we’ll go to support you? Because girlie pop, I’m gonna be real with you, the cover of The Life of a Showgirl is so bad. Bad enough that I had to write about it. Girl, why!! You’re stunning. The other photos for the deluxe variations of the album you’ve released, and other photos you’ve posted alongside the promotion of this new album, are gorgeous. You could’ve picked almost any of them for the main album cover…but nope. We’re going to go with the one where your face looks so awkward, you’re half in/out of the tub, in a bedazzled “dress,” and your makeup is so intense?? (I get it, I get it, it’s showgirl makeup, I still hate it).
Listen, Taylor, I hear what you have to say about why you chose it. I listened/watched the two-hour New Heights podcast episode (chefs kiss I loved every second), where you explained it. The songs on this album represent how you felt “behind the curtain” during the Eras Tour, and the album cover shows how you spent every night post-Eras Tour show in the bath to decompress and start your intensive recovery process.
I love that symbolism, Tay.
Now, pray tell, why did the cover have to be, what I can only assume was, the worst shot of the set that you took while in the tub? Was there not a better photo? A better position? A cuter makeup look, perhaps? Could you not relax your face a little bit? Ugh. Sigh. I want to believe that the professionals know best, but…do they really? I just think a girl who is constantly judging the way she looks in photos (me) could have led you in a better direction here.
And trust and believe we all know this isn’t the first time Taylor’s done this with an album cover, hence it being on this week’s OUT list and BFFR. On the podcast, she mentioned that she wanted to use the same photographers that she used to shoot her album cover for Reputation. And boy, can we tell!! *invisible ink* because that album cover is also horrible.
All I can think is this is what happens when your team is your family and your family is a lovely, sweet, all-American family from Pennsylvania. What Tay needs is for me to lend her my Eastern European immigrant family for a week. A group of people who are incredibly caring but also far too honest with you (with love). For example, my sister FaceTimed me this week after I just got my hair dyed, and I could barely answer the phone before she said “bleh, ew your hair looks like shit" — so like hmmm maybe Tay could get someone like Aleca on her team stat?
Idk guys, that’s the only real advice I have to give her. That and to get someone to help her pick better singles for her albums, and dress better overall…but clearly, she doesn’t seem to want our advice on any of it. Tbh sometimes I’m impressed that she is just so goddamn confidently delusional that she thinks she looks good in these photos, or that the single she picked is the right song to introduce the album (what the hell were you thinking with ME! ??), or that the outfit she’s wearing out and about is slaying…girl!!!
And, whiplash incoming, you know what, good for you, Tay. You’re really embodying what I said in my BFFR last week, living your life out loud, playing by your own rules, and not caring what other people may say or think about you. Because why should you!!
The Queen of Cringe.
So enough of me shitting on her choices. I would be remiss not to give her a massive thank you for gifting us with this new album in the first place. We do not deserve her. Please keep giving us more, and don’t ever leave us, I beg. And thank you for making a vibes playlist for the album called “And, baby, that's show business for you" because IYKYK, one of my favorite things to say is “that’s show business, baby.”
We live for the show! The applause! Mirrorball hive stand up!! This album is for us <3
Xx,
B
Taylor Swift will return in Week Thirteen.
THE B SIDE
Evolve or die, they say, so watch this space, we’re evolving!!!
Starting next week (this week??) The B Side (aka Deep Cuts and B-Roll) for the week prior will publish on Monday at 8am ET (e.g., The B Side: Week Eleven will be out on Monday, August 18th at 8am ET).
But as per usual, I reserve the right to change my mind, change the publication day/time, and/or change whatever else the hell I want.
Tysm, as always, for your feedback, and I am always open to more (but again, I’m an Aries, it’s quite difficult to get me to change my mind once I’ve made a decision).
Patiently waiting for week 13
Also dk why I caught a stray w Hudson Square this week but I can only imagine it’s bc you saw Glenn and me bonding over it and it still haunts you sometimes